you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
