Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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