I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
