I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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