i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
