oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
