Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
