you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
