he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
