I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
