I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
