I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
