Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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