I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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