I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize