hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bring money and cleavage
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize