i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
