My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize