Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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