Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
