Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize