I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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