WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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