this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
