turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
