I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
