Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i've created a new STD.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
