Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When are your genitals available?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
