Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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