if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
