Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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