Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
