$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think i peed on brittanys purse
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
