can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
