Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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