she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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