It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
