he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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