dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
