i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hippo gnu deer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
