So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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