Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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