I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
