OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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