How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
