I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
