Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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