I feel like my teeth are sweating.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
