Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize