guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
