i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
