Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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