my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
