I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
