Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You made out with two different species that night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
