i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
