Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
