apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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