Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left an ass print on the piano.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
