3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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