Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The convent might be a nice break from real life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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