im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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