We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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