this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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