I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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