Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
